How To Get A Man To Get A Job Part 1

So, J.T. and I have been together for almost 2 years. In all that time, I have worked consistently while he had a job for approximately one week.  He quit that job when he 'sprained his ankle' and has not had one since. That was way back in the beginning, like within the first few months of our relationship. 

So, now I am at my limit. I work, my daughter works, (notice it's the women) and he doesn't.  I'm frustrated, angry and resentful. It is time for action!

My first step in getting J.T. to work was setting him up with my step-dad in his landscaping business.  That was maybe 2 months into the relationship, possibly even earlier.  Now, my dad is not the easiest person to work for, but how many people who work really LOVE their bosses and like working?  Not many. You just do what you have to do in order to pay the bills, right?  At this job, he had rides to and from work, got taken out to lunch, etc. He had some down time on the job, but hey, who cares when you actually have one.

Needless to say, it didn't work out for a couple reasons.  He didn't go to work a few times, he got paid but never helped with OUR house... he spent it or 'lent' it to members of his family. He'd take the money, go get wasted and we would fight, then he would be too embarrassed and uncomfortable to go work with my dad.  So, that was the end of that.  I mean, really ... the end.. He hasn't done any type of work since.

In May, we moved to Georgia.  JT claimed that he would find a job right away and that he would take over the bills, etc.  So, we set out to find him a job.  I took him to the temp agencies, to maybe two interviews, but he didn't get a job.  See, he only filled out applications for carpet factories and construction, which are highly competitive and need a strong work history.  He doesn't have that. For some reason, he believes he should make much more than minimum wage, that he is WORTH much more than minimum wage... But, if you look at his half-blank application, no boss will ever think that. If you have no work history by the time you are 31 years old, you don't look all that good on paper, that's for sure.

Maybe he should have aimed a little lower, for like a dish-washing job?  I mean, hey... I would take it. If I had bills to pay and that was the only job I could get, I would take it in a heart-beat. Some money is better than NO money, right?

Not to JT.  So, by the end of June, we were really in bad shape.  No money coming in at all, barely making it, almost ready to be thrown out and live in the van.  I gave up and went out and put my own applications in. And within a couple weeks, I had a job. (Imagine that)

Originally, it was only for two days a week.  I didn't care!  It was $50 more per week in our pocket than we had at the moment!  And due to a chance turn of events, within a month, it was full time. Whoohoo!  Making minimum wage - GREAT!

Did I get the first job I applied for? Nope. I had quite a few apps out there, had one horrible interview but didn't give up. I just did what I had to do. 

I'm not bragging about anything, I'm just making a point.  What is it with these guys who just absolutely refuse to work?? If they spent as much time pursuing a job as they do concocting excuses, they would all be millionaires!

So, my first attempts at getting JT to work were failures. Now I have to come up with some more ideas. Since I have the only vehicle and he doesn't have a drivers license, I would have to be able to transport him. That means it would have to be a night job. (His argument for this will be that he takes care of Wyatt during the day) BUT, I worked night shift for years and was a single mom to four kids at the time, with a baby at home. And I did it!

I will breech this subject carefully today and see how it goes.  (I almost cringe at the thought)

Any ideas on how to get this man to WORK?? All would be appreciated!

Leia Mais...

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Dude! Where's My Brain?!?!?!

Ok, so... last ya'll knew I had taken JT back, lost my brain functions and was cranky about the lack of health care available to me.  Not much has changed, except JT is gone again, rofl.

See, I set him up to work with my step-dad. Now, my step-dad is a little overbearing, doesn't pay all that well and has a raw sense of humor. BUT, JT has not worked the whole year we have been together and I have supported him very well. He didn't need to worry about anything. So, since I've been having these medical issues, my dad got a bunch of jobs and asked JT to help him figuring it would help out the family since my income is a bit lower than it was when I was working full time. I didn't want to waste gas by running JT back and forth to work every day, so I let him use my van. Funny thing was... it was always on empty. Now, the other day, he came home, said he ran into some cousins of his and was going fishing and was going to crash at his mom's and go to work from there. Fine. He didn't ask  how I was feeling that day, if I needed him to help me out at all.. nothing. Within 10 minutes he was gone. This rubbed me raw in a few ways, but mostly because I had been harping for weeks that since I now did not have to go to work, I really wanted to go fishing. We DO live in the Bass Capital of the World, here! And, besides, I'd been having horrible headaches, heart palpitations and generally not being myself.

Once he left, I actually got dressed, did my hair and makeup and headed out... determined that if he could go out and have fun, so would I. Unfortunately, I felt so horrible and was having such dizzy spells, I ended up back home just hanging out with the kids. So much for that!

When he got back the next day he actually had the balls to accuse me of going out to hang out with other guys and what was I doing for the three hours I was gone! Excuse me??

He used my van again to work Sunday and my dad paid him. (I didn't know that my dad had already paid him about $75 before this) He made no mention of helping with any of grocery shopping we did that night, or the bills I was paying by phone yesterday morning. In fact, I only found out that he supposedly had $80 when my youngest daughter mentioned it to me. Well, yesterday he was awfully intentional about getting the van to take some drill bits back to his dad and that maybe I should stay home since I wasn't feeling well. 

Hmmmmm........

Three hours later (his parents live 10 minutes away) he strolls in and says he has to spend the night at his mom's because she has to go get her nose cauterized and someone was prowling around their house the night before. Now, his cousin lives there. A 21 year old male. Why couldn't HE watch the house? Again, no inquiries of how I was doing. In fact, I had just gotten off the phone with his mom and she had said NOTHING about him staying there.

I asked him if he had any intention of helping me pay any of this month's bills with the $80 my dad gave him the day before and he said he put his last $3 in the gas tank right before he got here. Huh? Where did all the money go, then?
I said, "You know what, JT. I don't need this anymore. I have enough going on, enough stress... I'll take you to your mom's to 'guard their house' and then that is where you are going to stay."  I've had it. No more.

Come to find out, my dad had paid him about $175 in the last few days and I saw absolutely none of it. Even a little of it would have helped. I don't think it's fair that I spend every cent I have on bills, gas and groceries while he didn't even THINK about helping me with any of what my dad gave him (thinking it was going to the household). I don't know what he is up to but it's nothing good. In fact, he didn't even bring any fish home the night he was supposed to be 'fishing'.

I'm going to chalk this all up to another brain malfunction. I musta forgot that he will never grow up, never be a responsible adult. That he will never grow out of that selfish 'me-first' attitude.

I have to admit I did have one childish outburst during the drive to his mom & dad's. He kept telling me how much he loved me and how he didn't want this to be over ... but never said, you know what? I know you aren't feeling well and my dad and Chad can guard the house. I'll help you.. So I threw my cup of coffee all over him. :D  Childish, yes, but it felt wonderful.

So, I packed up his stuff last night. It's in the van for me to deliver to his mom and dad's tomorrow morning. I hung out with my girls till 2am, laughing and joking and bonding. I did laundry, dishes and am still up 'cause I can't sleep. Insomnia has been my friend lately. At least my head is not hurting too badly at the moment and I don't feel too 'cloudy headed'.

Maybe I'm allergic to JT......

Leia Mais...

Voltar...