A New Start Always Comes At The End Of Something (Part 1)

A New Start Always Comes At The End Of Something...
(Part 1)

I've deleted all but two posts from this, my personal blog.  It's a new beginning for me in a number of ways. So, like I just did in my personal life, I wiped the slate clean and have started over.

I guess I should elaborate..

Though I am not new to the online world, I am fairly new at consistant blogging. I've led a crazy life and have not been able or inspired enough to keep up with my blog on a regular basis. So many obstacles have kept me from doing the things that I really enjoyed and wanted to do. But, now, that is changing.

Those of you who have known me, or of me, over the last 10 or so years I've been online realize that there are months and even a year or so at a time when I just disappeared due to circumstances going on in which I either had no access to or ability to be at a computer. I may get into that some day in my ramblings, but for now, I will stick to the present. Yet another new beginning which has come quickly upon me as I close out a chapter of my life.

I have recently ended a relationship with someone who I am deeply in love with. However, as I've been known to do before, I suppose I'm more in love with his potential than his reality. I walk a fine line on the tightrope of chances - deciding which one is the last. I am always able to validate behaviors of others' while knowing what the 'right' thing to do would have been. I'm not perfect by any means. I just believe in treating others the way I would want to be treated, taking into account other's feelings before acting on impulse and know that there are always consequences to our actions. I am one of the ones who accepts my responsabilities & consequences, whatever they may be. Unfortunately, he is not.

Yesterday, he left. I asked him to go. He knew when he came home with beer on his breath again that I would and he didn't fight it. I didn't answer his calls today. I will be packing his things tomorrow. Today, I just engrossed myself in work and have been at it for almost 24 hours now with a 3 hour snooze break. My back is aching, my neck and my eyes don't want to even function anymore after staring at this computer screen all day and night. But, I will rest soon.

The house is quiet right now and that's when I can think. And I want to get this out because I still have things to do to gain some type of closure, if I ever do. I know he thinks that if he just gives me enough time I will miss him enough to let him come home, like I've always done before. But, this time, I have to be strong. STRONG! I have other things going on in my life. Scary things, things that require my mind to be focused and my determination to be great and my faith to be unbreakable. I can't let him drag me down into the abyss of self-destruction and worry and the extra stress of being with someone who lies to me and I can't trust.

Oh, Lord, give me your strength, fill me with faith, wrap me in comfort and walk me through this so I can be what I need to be for YOU and my children.

I've not let many people into my personal life and feelings. Baring my soul is not easy, but since my big move I've met many aquaintances, but not very many friends. And the friends that I've met, I've even kept them at bay. I won't do that anymore.  I will begin to let people in. I will begin this new phase of life in keeping with my motto for living, whatever the situation may be.

If you are reading this right now, could you do me a favor? Just send a little shout out to God for me, would you? My full time job had kept me from church for the last year and a half and I have no prayer partners or anyone close to keep me lifted up. That ending will be discussed in part two of this post. For now, I thank God for each and every prayer sent my way from the bottom of my heart. If there was ever a time I needed it, it's now.

Much Love & Many Blessings,

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