A New Start Always Comes At The End Of Something (Part 2)

Well, I'm still suffering from insomnia, but I imagine that eventually I will sleep.  At least when I do finally sleep, it is deep and undisturbed.

A second end that has recently come upon me is the loss of my full time J.O.B. as the Assistant Manager of our local convenience store.  I didn't lose it, actually. I was forced to take a medical leave of absence.  About three weeks ago, I started having severe dizzy spells and a 'fuzzy head'.  It's hard to explain, except that I imagine that I feel how people who are in the beginning stages of Alzheimer's Disease feel.  I can't remember things right, like the other day when I couldn't figure out how to turn the headlights on in my van. Or the times I have a conversation with someone and then ask them the same question four or five times and they are looking at me like I have lost my mind.  But, it's just that I forgot that I asked!

I did go to the doctor. I paid $65 for the first visit, where I was told that I had a virus, they didn't care about my previous medical history or want my medical records and gave me a shot in the butt for nausea.  I tried to tell them that I was only nauseous when I had the dizzy spells, and that it didnt have anything to do with eating or drinking or being sick. I do not feel sick at all. But, they didn't want to hear it, so I stuck it out another week and went to a different doctor. Actually, a clinic.  There, they actually examined me, said I showed no signs of sickness, but the symptoms I presented with were worrisome.  Dizziness, Fatigue, Heart Palpatations, 'Fuzzy Head', Memory Problems, Headaches are all neurological symptoms and I need to be seen by a neurologist.  Ahhh.... right. 

I have no insurance. Now, I am not permitted to work because they will not allow me to be on a shift by myself and our store does not allow double coverage.  The only neurologist who agreed to see me wanted $400 up front for the initial visit and who knows how much more after that.  Never mine.  I'll stick it out and check around and maybe somehow I will be able to see a Dr. sometime.

Anyhow, in a way,  this is a blessing.  I have been forced into a position where I have to 'Walk The Walk' instead of always being the encourager and 'Talking The Talk' to other work from home people.  I have been completely self-sufficient before in the means of working from home.  I have been able to stay home with my children and pay our bills exclusively with my home business before.  Now, I will do it again.  The only reason I went back to work full time is because of the 'Big Move' from Pennsylvania to Florida.  THAT was a trip, let me tell you.  But, that's for another day.

So, now I'm a dizzy blonde and I have to put my wholehearted concentration into completely replacing the income lost from my full time job. I have about one month of savings that can get me by in the mean-time. THIS is gonna be FUN!

Along with my other network marketing adventures, I have recently joined Homemade Gourmet as an Independent Representative.  I invested in a HUGE kit an am impatiently awaiting it's arrival as there are a ton of community events that go on around here year-round and I am the only Rep in this area for miles and miles and miles. I plan to set up and get going, just need the product delivered. I even set up a new blog for this new biz. Check it out at http://www.quickhomecooking.blogspot.com/ .

Well, I'm tired and it's quiet. I took the boys to the bus stop today and enjoyed every minute of it. I missed so much working away from home this last year and a half. I'd never spent so much time away from my children as I have during that period of time and it was hard on all of us. The boys being so happy that I'm at the bus stop with them almost brings tears to my eyes. They missed me too. But, they never complained very much.  They have always been so very supportive of me in everything I do. I'm so blessed to have five such amazing children :)

As for me and J.T.  I forgave him. Again. I'm scared about what is going on with my health and for some reason, I can't stop loving him. He's got his faults, I've got mine. I know I'm a perfectionist and that neither one of us are perfect. Alcohol is a trigger point to me and I completely freak out due to my past dealings with it. Maybe this is  right, maybe this is wrong. But, I'm freaked out and need him. He's the only one I can let know how worried I am about what's going on and what will happen if something really is wrong with my brain. Who would take care of my babies, etc. For them, I must be the same, crazy, make a joke out of mommy's forgetfulness, not let them be worried. Let them be kids.

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